The Summer of Failed Dreams

There's a reason, I haven't written blogs in several Months. I almost lost hope. As Time passes I've been brutally awoken from my dreams. I call my goals dreams because they give me a sense of happiness not because they are unrealistic. I have talent this is something I have become quite certain of. I don't mean for that to come across as being supercilious It's just the truth. It's not being self righteous if the claim is valid. Life in the passed few months hasn't been Armageddon just an action movie with excessive explosions right in front of my face. Flashbacks of my childhood. Growing up I wanted to be an astronaut like most kids. My aeronautic dream was shattered when my father coolly relied to me I could never be an astronaut because of my sickle cell disease. A year or Two later my Sickle Cell was the reason I would be never be a " Mighty Duck".I was obsessed with the Mighty duck franchise and to this day am I a fan of the Anaheim Ducks.I don't want a pity party over my Sickle cell.It's a card that will make alot of people fold but I have and Have always Had A good Hand. Sickle Cell shaped alot of my goals in life. Fast Forward to Teenage Pete. I'm not an innocent kid anymore and not yet a Man,in my eyes atleast. I have different dreams based on my gifts In life. SO my dreams are more realistic. Both Sides of my family expect me to attend college No discussion. I love learning true school and I have never been a good match.So A part of me wants to let my relationship with formal education Burn till it ashes. If I took a year off to pursue other interest I would surely Be a Family disappointment. I hate disappointing Period(period as a word then the symbol). I especially would hate to support People who have given me the best of their world. I just don't want to take the college route and end up fighting for a job I don't want pr out of work completely. How pointless is this scenario : College Grad working underneath A High School Grad because they would have more work experience. There is not one way in life. Measurements of achievement never capture the Essence of Potential In a person,
here I am serious about starting a music career. It's my new dream( check the tie-in,I wasn't rambling). Here's a Question, What happens when you lose the location of your destiny ? This is one more Important, What does one do after the Loss Of your Idols ?

I lost the first question in November of 2008. The foolish dissolution of Total Request Live aka TRL. I just wanted to Perform On TRL once. Honestly I would have settled for Just being in the crowd. I Loved the atmosphere of the show. I didn't always like the guest. Bet has 106 N park which is cool not awesome like it once was but still solid. It's just not a dream of mine to be on 106


I lost My idol when Michael Jackson died. I literally Love all of his songs not one song or an album. Everything he did was just amazing. As a fan I would have loved to have tickets to a concert. I think I have never been to a concert because I wanted my first one to be a Michael Jackson Concert. As a Musician in recent years, I wanted to collaborate with him. That would be a Disney moment, the place where dreams come true.I would have loved just to meet him to have a conversation or maybe just a handshake. If Michael Jackson Heard a song of mine and said he liked it !!! these scenarios are what played in my head while writing songs. When I heard he dead I was just like why should I even do this anymore... I have no idols anymore. sure there are people I'd love to work with in theory. I can't even meet my idol. I don't want to put out material that isn't quality so why do something if your heart is absolutely NOT in it. This is the negative place I've been In for awhile now. I came to the conclusion that My music is no where near it's conclusion. I should write music That comes from the heart. In my music I want the qualities of my idol to be present. In Hopes My songs will stimulate the positive emotions Michael Jackson's Music gave me. Some might say Michael Isn't a rapper well I say Michael Jackson's Idol was James Brown and he wasn't the king of Pop. Everybody Plays a Role in the Movie OF one's life. This is the part where I must go on after a Loss. I Have an 8 Hour drive ahead of me. I'm sure I'll write some songs on the trip if I don't it's whatever The music comes when it comes. I get the vibe I will have something in the works pretty soon. I'm an the stairs but I might hop on an elevator aka a wonka-vator because I'm going to the top. I'll send you pictures via Satellite